


The Chronicles of a Sidekick and his Vampire

by TodayIamMeowing



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Out of Character, Supernatural Elements, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-09-02 06:04:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20271163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TodayIamMeowing/pseuds/TodayIamMeowing
Summary: Minhyuk is a powerless vampire who hates violence and is quite shallow, while Hyungwon is his newly appointed sidekick who loves violence and sweet food a little too much and just barely tolerates other humans.Join them as they try to fight crackhead villains and meet new people all the while half-assing their efforts to save the earth. feat Hyungwon's mysterious kitten.





	1. Prologue

The year was 2019. Everyone was too busy being offended on the internet to notice the supernatural elements walking among them. What supernatural elements, you may ask? Oh, the usual vampires, werewolves, demons, shapeshifters, ghosts, and yadda yadda yadda.

In this hubbub, our darling protagonist slept peacefully. His phone was filled with texts from his acquaintances, wishing him a happy 25th birthday.

The clock was ticking and his cat, which he very creatively named Cheshire, was hissing.

For no particular reason, she just liked hissing.

“I will make you mine," said our protagonist, Hyungwon, passionately. He looked into the eyes of the giant cupcake and seductively continued, “I will eat you soooo, mhmm, good."  
His dick was getting hard, and the giant cupcake was just about to run into his arms when someone's impudent knocking broke his dream. He got up, contemplated his absurd dream and shrugged.

He no longer questioned his disturbing thoughts.

The impudent someone knocked again, this time more forcefully.

Hyungwon got up, damning the impudent knocker to the depths of hell. He opened the door and like a very-lifeless-but-definitely-haunted-doll muttered, "What do you want?"

Then, he looked at the intruder and his jaw promptly dropped. The intruder was a tall, skinny, ethereal looking being whose pretty and feminine features contrasted with his prominent masculine jawline creating an eye-catching mishmash. His tan skin glowed and his straight platinum blond hair further added to his enigmatic beauty.

After this enticing description of the intruder, the author is regretfully bearing the responsibility to inform you that it wasn’t the mysterious stranger but the scrumptious looking cake in his hands that had made our protagonist's jaw drop.

His drool could be seen from space itself.

(This fact was confirmed by NASA.)

While Hyungwon's eyes were stuck to the cake, the intruder, Minhyuk, unabashedly let his eyes roam on our protagonist.

Done with his quick scanning, he frowned at what lay in front of him; a grumpy tall guy whose face was hidden by with what could only be called mop for hair, and horrible morning breath.

It was clear after seeing him that yes, humans indeed evolved from apes.

Hyungwon finally removed his eyes from the cake to behold the face of the cake carrier. He was met with a disapproving frown to which he gave a sour expression of his own.

They stayed like this for 65 seconds and then Hyungwon, unable to resist the cake, said, “What flavor is it?”

The stranger, considering that's not the first question that you ask a stranger, looked quite taken aback.

His frown deepened.

"That's the first question that came into your mind?" asked MInhyuk in his husky voice concealing his normally shrill tone.

“Well, yeah," mumbled Hyungwon still looking at the cake with a dazed expression.

The rude stranger closed his eyes contemplating the sweet release of death.

Hyungwon nudged the intruder, "If you are done being melodramatic, do you mind answering me?"

Minhyuk opened his eyes with herculean effort and his brown eyes flashed golden - literally.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at this, followed by a look of comprehension, and then utter boredom.

He looked at the intruder and flippantly stated, “Tacky lenses, by the way"

"Black forest and these are not lenses," the stranger replied absent-mindedly still thinking about the eternal oblivion.

"Sure, and this isn’t a wig,” He said pointing towards his wig or at least what was supposed to be a wig.

The intruder followed the direction of his hand and stumbled back at the horrific condition of his hair. He swore he could see some flies in those tangled knots.

Gathering some courage, he replied, "I refuse to believe that this is a wig, I don't think humans are capable of making something this evil."

Hyungwon looked at him with a serene expression and suddenly gave a hiss. Behind her, Cheshire beamed, obviously proud of her human.

As soon as Minhyuk recovered from the chilling hiss, Hyungwon tugged on his wig and carelessly threw it at Minhyuk who tried his best to defend his chastity and sanity with the one hand that wasn’t holding the cake.

The wig gave way to medium-length black messy hair with long but side-swept bangs which allowed Hyungwon to cover his eyes with an easy shake of his head to look all mysterious and dramatic. It was a nifty trick. He just did that, but this time to look menacing.

But Minhyuk couldn’t really appreciate Hyungwon’s effort to scare him as he was too shocked.

He was reliving the moment where the evil wig had attacked him and had come in contact with his pretty face for almost half a second before he managed to swat it away.

But what if the damage was already done?

What if his skin broke out?  
What if his face got riddled with pimples?  
What if he was now doomed to a life of forced celibacy?  
What if?  
what if?  
what if?  
What’s the point of living now?

He would just have to live in isolation and wait for his death.

Meanwhile, Hyungwon waited for Minhyuk to get his head out of his ass so that he could notice his menacing look.

But Minhyuk, with all his pride and shallowness, was too deep in his existential dilemma to even look at Hyungwon.

So, Hyungwon did the next best thing - he went in, opened his refrigerator, grabbed a bottle, went out of his apartment, uncapped the bottle, looked at Minhyuk’s face and then at his tight grip on the open cake box, gave a long-suffering sigh….

And then threw ice-cold water in Minhyuk’s face.

The shriek that Minhyuk gave was like music to Hyungwon’s ear.

Minhyuk looked at the empty bottle in Hyungwon’s hand in shock. He was just about to cry but then his eyes lit up with an epiphany, and then he vigorously started scrubbing his face with his free hand.

Of course, cold water is the cure for evil wig’s evil power of evil pimples!

He could again live his life now. He sighed in relief and raised his eyes to look at his savior who was watching him the same way you watch an elephant doing tricks in a circus - with awe and amusement in his eyes.

What Minhyuk saw made him flinch because what is this sorcery?

He could swear Hyungwon was an ugly lanky guy, but he wouldn’t mind what lay in front of him now, oh he wouldn’t mind it at all except if maybe Hyungwon turned out straight which considering Hyungwon’s zero interest in him until now was a very strong possibility.

Hyungwon ignored Minhyuk’s love-struck puppy eyes, and looked pointedly at the cake and asked, “When are you going to give me that?”

Minhyuk sighed, "Aren't you going to ask me, 'What am I doing here?' or 'What do I want?’ like, oh-I-don't-know, a normal person?"

Hyungwon rolled this thought in his mind and after debating every pro and con for two minutes, he responded.

"Meh", he replied confidently looking proud of his eloquence.

"Oh my God, Only I could end up with such a stupid sidekick,” said Minhyuk while looking like the super-skilled orphan protagonist that the world kept kicking around in every anime ever.

"Sidekick?" asked Hyungwon, ignoring the urge to punch Minhyuk in the face because of his pity-me expression

"Now you are asking the right questions," said Minhyuk with a smug expression expecting Hyungwon to be surprised.

Hyungwon hmm’ed to himself for a second and then said, "Do you want to come in?” all the while earnestly gazing at the cake. The stranger looked a little confused at the sudden change of topic, after all, you don’t just invite strangers into your apartment, especially the ones who had just called you their sidekick.

Still confused, he replied with a “Yes, thank you,” and tried to take a step.

His politeness was met with an ice-cold voice.

A voice so chilling that he could feel the goosebumps rising at the back of his neck.

The words spoken weren’t quite sweet either.

"Who asked you? I was asking this sweet little cake in your hands. For me you don't exist, you are merely a useless appendage attached to this cake," pronounced Hyungwon with disdain dripping from his every word.

The stranger looked at him, shocked, and promptly burst into tears. Hyungwon, completely unfazed, as if he made adult men cry on a regular basis, took the cake from his hands, went back in, came out with a bottle of water and after pushing the said bottle into the hands of the stranger, shut the door in his face.

Politely.

With a loud bang.

Hyungwon was in the mid of devouring that delicious cake when he heard a timid knock yet he didn't get up until after finishing half of the cake.  
After placing the rest half with utmost care in the fridge, he got up and answered the door only to come face-to-face with the teary-eyed stranger again.

"Yes?" Hyungwon asked as if meeting him for the first time.

"Can I come in?" Minhyuk sniffled.

"Of course not," replied Hyungwon calmly without missing a beat.

"I will buy you one more cake?" Minhyuk offered timidly.  
Hyungwon considered this, and finally, let him in.  
The intruder observed the loft and wasn’t surprised to see how messy it was.

Hyungwon eyed him suspiciously and stood in front of him, leaning down slightly, he looked him in the eyes and asked, "So?"

Minhyuk inhaled a huge gulp of air, it was now or never, he thought, and started, "So, here's the deal. I am a vampire and a member of The Crimson Moon, and you are my sidekick. Every 100 years, the vampires of The Crimson Moon are given partners who are spiritually bound to them by birth. Together you and I have to fight evil supernatural thingeys in this area. Every pair is supposed to fulfill their duty for at least 5 years. I waited for you to turn 25 but I am afraid I can't postpone it any further. If we don't fulfill our duties, the consequences will be dire."

Now, this is the point where any other normal person would have been ready to push the stranger out of their house while calling the police but instead Hyungwon, bless his propensity to not care, asked him coolly, "What consequences are we talking about?"

Again, surprised at how unsurprised the grumpy guy looked, Minhyuk recited as if reading from an invisible 'Crimson Moon for Beginners' manual, "The dire consequences can vary according to your offense and the mood of the elders of The Crimson Moon. Dire being the keyword."

Hyungwon seemed to think this over and finally responded, "The name is Chae Hyungwon."

With a quirk of his lips, the intruder replied, "Call me Lee Minhyuk."


	2. Chapter 2

After introductions, both characters sat back calmly on the couch in Hyungwon’s living room. Minhyuk patiently waited for Hyungwon's inquiries on the matter, while Hyungwon was thoroughly immersed in the cake in his hands.

Taking the lead, Minhyuk finally asked, "So, do you want to know the details?” 

In response, Hyungwon made a grunt that as of yet scientists have found themselves ill-equipped to translate.

Minhyuk sighed. He had already gathered from their short interaction that the grumpy guy was full of, for lack of a better word, quirks. He really didn't think his brain was capable of processing anything that didn't have sugar in it.  
Maybe they would be the first pair to die on their first mission itself because he honestly didn't see how this grumpy apathetic human being could be a good sidekick. Perhaps his superpower was to suffocate people with his wig?  
Seriously, what was with the wig?   
Anyway, there was definitely something off about him. He was too calm for such a revelation, also he was able to resist his manly vampire tears like it was nothing. He even teamed it with his adorable pout, ahem, he meant charming pout!  
Oh my God, is that a cat? How super freaking adorable, he squealed internally. Then he squealed externally at the little bundle of cuteness.  
The cat in an eerily similar manner to her owner hissed back at him.

Her owner faced the squealer with an amused expression and asked, "Did you just squeal like an anime fangirl character?"

Minhyuk, a little hurt by the hatred the little kitten managed to put in a single hiss, replied, "That was a manly war cry. You are driving me nuts, you know? Say something already, so we can get to some real action. And also why did you believe everything I just said? I could be lying, for all you know." 

Hyungwon dismissed the statement with a flourish of his hands, "You are no way smart enough to concoct such lies. Also, I saw your eyes flashing golden. Here's the deal though; I am bored with my life and I would like me some blood-shedding, ya know? But, I don't want that shed blood to be mine. So, I would give this sidekick thingy a week. If it turns out harmless and entertaining enough, I will sign that 5-year contract but before that, I need to know all the terms and conditions, and if you are capable of protecting me or not. If anything isn't to my liking I will sue your Pinky Moon's ass for forcing me." 

"Crimson Moon," corrected Minhyuk absent-mindedly and then added, "Wow, So you do have a brain. You have actually thought this over. Fair enough. I will choose our first mission within the next two days and let you know. Regarding terms and conditions, there aren't many: For the next five years after signing the contract we are supposed to fight the baddies. I can't think of any other consequential term.. "  
With this, he trailed off and suddenly exclaimed, " And, of course, you are supposed to let me suck your blood once a month, and we are supposed to live together for the next 5 years. "

Finally, the supposed-to-be human being showed some emotions for something that wasn't a cake; his jaw dropped and his eyes widened, his face reddened with an angry flush, and he fumed, "You didn't lead with that because?" 

"I didn't think it was important?" Minhyuk offered timidly, now a little scared of Hyungwon, he still didn't know what his superpower was. 

Hyungwon held his head in his hands trying to calm himself. He didn't like to waste emotions on anything that didn't have sugar. 

Finally, he calmed himself and sighed, and then out of nowhere he got into Minhyuk’s face and started shouting, "You huge pile of shit with stinking balls for brains, you didn’t think it was "important" telling me that you would be sucking my blood? I don't know about others but, unfortunately for you, I do like having blood. It's red and IT’S INTEGRAL TO MY SURVIVAL." He all but screamed.

"Now, now, easy there, little guy. I would take only a tiny bit, I swear, that too only once a month. It wouldn't hurt. Not to forget, it's meant to be erotic for human beings, you'll be so turned on that you won't even feel the pain." he finished with a wink that was meant to be seductive but to Hyungwon, it looked like as if he was having a seizure. 

Hyungwon’s left eye twitched with rage. He spoke the next words in an eerily calm manner with a gaze so cold that it could make Satan cry hysterically, “Listen Minhyuk, if you ever laid your filthy paws on me, EVER, I would kill you by strangling you with your own intestines and then I will cut your dick into pieces and feed it to the dogs." He finished sweetly with a dreamy smile as if imagining what he just said, and clearly enjoying it.

Minhyuk looked at him horrified, barely managing not to cry.

"Umm, that's okay I will steal from a blood bank or something," he said squirming in his seat with his hands in his lap as if protecting his dick.

Hyungwon looked curiously at him, "Aren't Vampires supposed to be ruthless and vicious or something? No offense, but you are quite timid and you just squealed a few minutes back. Not to forget, you cried like a little bitch before. You don't look much strong either." 

"Excuse you, yes offense, that's really racist of you. You don't look like a psychopath either but your dreamy ramblings about my dick indicate otherwise,” before Hyungwon could intervene, he continued, ”Just like humans, there are some vampires who are like you described, while some aren't. And like I said that was a manly war cry. I am not timid. I am a strong manly vampire," he finished while flexing his non-existent muscles. 

Hyungwon scoffed, "Okay, I believe you.”

(He didn’t.)

“Hey, how did you come here in the morning? Isn't the big bad sun supposed to burn you?" 

It was Minhyuk's turn to look at him like he was off his rocker and on some hard-core drugs. "Sunscreen, of course," he said in a duh tone.

Hyungwon looked at him blankly and repeated, "Of course.”

He sighed and continued, “Anyway, What are your superpowers? Super Strength?"

Minhyuk shook his head while averting his eyes.

"Super Speed?"

He again shook his head, not looking up.

"Telepathy?"

"Not exactly," he murmured still not meeting Hyungwon's eyes.

"Super vision?" he offered half-heartedly just for the sake of it, not expecting much.

At this Minhyuk brightened.

"I can see, like, 2 centimeters ahead of a normal human eye, and bright colors are a little more bright for me."

The worst part was, Hyungwon thought, he actually looked quite proud of this.

"How useful. Totally going to help us beat the “baddies”." 

"I know, right! I gotchu fam.” 

Would murdering a vampire count as a homicide, Hyungwon thought.

"Do you even have any superpower?"

"Well, not in a conventional way."

At this, Hyungwon quirked his eyebrow.

"Umm, I am gorgeous. So, I can seduce people with my good looks. Every gender, actually. Cool, right?"

"I am not sure if that's the adjective I'll go with. Anything else?" 

"Oh, I look pretty adorable when I cry and pout. I can do that pretty much anytime just by thinking. No-one can resist that, well, except you." 

"Please say, you are good with guns or sword or knife or maybe at throwing stones?" 

"Not really. I am scared of guns, swords, and knives. And stones cramp my style, you know?" 

"Because style is more important than survival." 

"Of course!" 

"Of course."

It wasn't until Hyungwon slammed the door in Minhyuk's face that he realized his "Of course" was sarcastic.

Not the brightest crayon in the box, this one.


	3. The First Mission - Part One

It was exactly three days later that Hyungwon heard the same barely-there knock on his door. After slamming his door five times in ten minutes, he finally let Minhyuk enter. It was after fifteen minutes of senseless rambling which your lovable narrator is leaving out to protect the reader's sanity that Minhyuk finally laid out some sheets on the table, and they got to work.

"So, our first mission is to capture The Mad Scientist. I chose this because while it's an easy one, it isn't too easy to give you the wrong idea. A perfect mission for a beginner," he said the last while pointing towards Hyungwon.

"So, have you done this before?"

"I have seen videos," said Minhyuk haughtily with an air of superiority.

At this, Hyungwon just closed his eyes and breathed.

"Why am I not surprised?" he finally said just for the sake of continuing the conversation.

"Oh hush, you worry too much. It's going to be easy peasy lemon squeezy."

"For your safety, I hope so."

"You can totally trust me."

Hyungwon didn't look too thrilled at the proposed suggestion. Nevertheless, He picked the sheets and started looking at them.

"The Mad Scientist is a mad scientist", it says.

"No shit", Hyungwon thinks.

"He came under the Crimson Moon's radar around 6 months ago when he got into a skirmish with a biker gang outside one of the bars in a shady locality.

The bar was named 'Bottoms Up' and had a doodle of a guy in heels with a bob winking at its audience from the pamphlets upon which The Mad Scientist happened to step on. The misleading name and doodle led him to think of it as a gay bar. Desperate for some companionship and thinking of it as divine intervention he decided to check it out.

When The Mad Scientist stepped in he was momentarily surprised by the girls present in the vicinity but he chalked it off to the phenomena that is teens need for attention from anywhere and everywhere.

It was then that his eyes led him to a petite guy with his arm around a blonde girl's waist. The Mad Scientist again chalked it off to the phenomena that is Millennials.

When the small guy who looked like a tiny angry lesbian, which was totally his type, looked back at him, he winked. The petite guy looked at him with rage in his eyes while the blonde girl winked back at him. He again chalked it off to the tiny-looks-like-a-lesbian guy's way of looking macho and his friend's way of encouraging him so he gave his toothiest grin in return.

The petite guy moved towards him, frowning and held him by the collar and dragged him towards the back exit. The Mad Scientist was thrumming with excitement at finally getting some and thus let himself be dragged to the back alley.

It was when the petite guy punched him in the guts and growled, "How dare you flirt with my girl in front of me, you punk," that The Mad Scientist thought something was a little off but before he could clarify that he didn't swing that way he was showered with punch after punch.

Taking the gentleman's way out, instead of punching back he burst into tears. The petite guy who was expecting a fight back from his muscular opponent was quite perplexed and let go of him and did his best impression of a fish out of water.

The Mad Scientist jumped at the opportunity, and in a breathless monologue explained how it was him towards whom his flirting was aimed. The petite guy blushed at this and shyly explained that this wasn't a gay bar.

Hearing this, the Mad Scientist explained the name and the doodle on the pamphlet. The guy coyly explained the name isn't meant to be taken in that context and the doodle is actually of an androgynous-looking girl and not the other way around.

Flabbergasted, The Mad Scientist returned to his lair at his mom's house. Before you jump to conclusions and put a label on him, in his defense, his mom let him live rent-free, and being a mad scientist can be really expensive, okay? Also, he loved his mom really much and actually liked living with her so fuck your judgment, okay?

The Mad Scientist was having a bad day. It was then that he had this amazing revelation. Why not create something to make this whole world Gay? He will actually be doing this world a favor by curing them of their blasphemous, and not to forget BOOORING lifestyle.

He was tired of people telling how he just hadn't met the right girl yet.

He was tired of one faction of people saying, "You're gay?! NO! But you don't look gay!" and then the other faction saying, "You cut your nails? I totally knew you were gay. But, like, so gay?”

He was tired of "straight" guys experimenting using him and then saying, ”Listen, dude. I am not gay; my dick just accidentally falls into the mouth of other dudes." He is looking at you Jordan, Timothy, and Seth.

He was sick of being judged for wearing and not wearing pink.

He was sick of cliché heterosexual romance forced at him by every movie and novel.

He was sick of below average and unrealistic gay porn.

He was just plain sick, and NO, Carol, I can't give you advice on fashion and house décor.

Maybe it was time for ‘Gay Gun’, if not for anything else, then at least to utilize this obviously brilliant pun.

Nodding to himself, he got off the toilet seat, flushed, and then washed his hands, and started working on The Gay Gun™."

Hyungwon was baffled by the last line and rightly so, why would you add that last line in a report, more importantly, how would you even know this?

He looked at Minhyuk who was looking at him with an expectant expression, not unlike a puppy expecting praise after doing some trick, clingy buggers.

“Did you write this report?” He asked.

“Don’t be silly, of course not,” he giggled as if Hyungwon made a funny joke, “The Mad Scientist wrote it himself.”

Yes, he was being “silly” in thinking that the accused, one who hasn’t been caught yet, wouldn’t be the one to type his criminal profile himself.

Yes, he was the silly one in this whole scenario.

Whoever The Mad Scientist was, a good criminal he wasn’t, which quite irked Hyungwon.

“Isn’t that supposed to be against the moral code of criminals or something?  
“Well yeah, you see, the good folks at The Crimson Moon did write a report themselves but The Mad Scientist hacked in and left us a message, and I quote, Minhyuk picked up another paper and started reading, “I read your report and found it unsatisfactory, also considering that you have been stalking me for 6 months, it felt oddly impersonal. So, if it’s okay then I would like to submit a report on my origin as a crime lord myself.

PS – I am quite sorry for hacking you guys but in my defense, I was just playing with your security system to see if I could hack in and it took me two attempts to guess your password. (Seriously, what the hell you guys? You chose TheCrimsonMoonRocks as your password. Are you serious? I have eaten chips stronger than your password. Step up your game, you guys.) Even then I was just going to exit, but then I couldn’t contain my curiosity, and I hacked into your database which was even easier. Then my curiosity led me to see my file. (I did think about how curiosity killed the cat. But I don’t have a cat, so I thought it would be okay.) Anyway, as an apology, I can make your system hack proof, that is, after I am done submitting my report which I have tentatively titled ‘The Mad Scientist: Origins of The Crime Lord.’  
See ya!”

Minhyuk put down the paper to look at Hyungwon.

As if already dreading the answer, he hesitantly asked, “What did The Crimson Moon do then?”

“Oh, they let him submit his report, and then let him take over the cybersecurity team which now has one member – him. You want to know the best part?”

“Not really.”

“He does it for free!”

Hyungwon wasn’t even surprised. At this point, Minhyuk could tell him that The Crimson Moon is actually a gang of teenagers who are too much into role-playing, and he wouldn’t be surprised. His next sentence was just for the sake of saying the sentence.

“So, to summarize, you handed a criminal- a criminal, I might add, you are looking for – total control over your computer server ON A PLATTER.”

“Well, you are oversimplifying and exaggerating a bit but essentially, yeah. What’s your point?”

“What’s my point, he asks,” Hyungwon mocked.

“Oh ohhhhhh,” Minhyuk said as the realization dawned on him, and his expression easily gave way to a lazy grin, “Don’t worry. He is a good kid. He won’t do us any harm.”

“Ughhhh, whatever. Just tell me how we are going to kill him.”

“Woah. Calm down. Who said anything about killing? We are just looking for him to confiscate The Gay Gun™, and guide him. As I said, he is a good kid who has strayed a little from the right path.”

“So, no blood-shedding?” Hyungwon, who right then was a study in melancholy, asked.

Minhyuk’s face softened, “Not this time. Next time, I’ll let you do all the blood-shedding that your little heart wants, I promise,” he whispered, his tone showing his sincerity.

Then, Minhyuk forgot how personal spaces work or who he was dealing with and scooted closer to Hyungwon on the couch and took him in his arms, and started rubbing his back to soothe him. The rubbing felt as consoling as it was comforting to Hyungwon. It was a huge let down for him that he couldn’t shed blood just yet. So, he let Minhyuk hold him and rub his back for a grand total of 5 seconds just soaking in the comfort.

Then, he punched Minhyuk in the balls, finding even more comfort in the pained shriek that Minhyuk gave.


	4. The First Mission - Part two

The next morning saw both Minhyuk and Hyungwon sitting on the same couch where Hyungwon had viciously attacked Minhyuk’s balls (and not in the way that he could appreciate).

The clock was ticking but they couldn’t come up with an idea on how to even begin their grand quest. They both were hard at work thinking about possible plans and were quite close to giving up. Well, at least Minhyuk was. 

Hyungwon hadn’t even started thinking; he was busy fantasizing about his next mission where he could kick some real ass! 

Minhyuk was baffled. He had seen so many videos to prepare himself, and none of them were coming to his rescue right now, well none, except the one about contouring and blending.  
He was quite satisfied with the results.

He sighed happily and batted his eyelashes at Hyungwon who had now switched to fantasizing about all the sweets he could eat after killing. He smiled because of his thoughts which Minhyuk decided to take as Hyungwon complimenting him even though he knew that wasn’t the case. But he was a fan of self-delusion, and quite proud of it.

He looked at the clock to see it was 11 A.M. now; it had been two hours since he and Hyungwon had sat on the couch to start strategizing. He cleared his throat, and clicked his fingers in front of Hyungwon’s face, not daring to touch him.

“I have tons of ideas but as you are the rookie here, I think we should start from your ideas first and go from there,” Minhyuk lied.

“You don’t have even one idea,” Hyungwon stated like a universal truth and before Minhyuk could give a weak protest, he continued, “We should start with the internet.”

The way Minhyuk’s eyes lit up and his expression changed to awe at Hyungwon’s genius would have made anyone else swell with pride but Hyungwon just felt pity for this lord-knows-how-many-years-old stupid vampire. This thought prompted him to ask Minhyuk his age. Minhyuk, happy that Hyungwon was finally taking a little interest in him, enthusiastically announced that it was his ‘20th year on this fine as heck earth’. 

To be honest, Hyungwon was a tad disappointed. He had expected Minhyuk to be older. Not from his behavior, oh no. But rather because, you know, every goddamn vampire movie or novel either had a freshly turned vampire or a billion years old vampire. Compared to that, 20 felt so........ ordinary. 

The reality, as ever, was such a huge letdown.

“Who turned you?” Hyungwon asked still desperately searching for some kind of drama.

“Huhh? Ohh, I was born pansexual. Love is not a choice, Hyungwon. This isn't the 4th century but 21st, how can you still have such a narrow mindset?” Minhyuk cried passionately, he couldn’t wait to burst into a full-blown monologue and start using words like ‘Studies’, ’Research’, ‘Scientists’ and his most favorite ‘Statistics’.

At this point Hyungwon’s response didn’t really matter, but unfortunately for him, Hyungwon interrupted him with a question which, as far as Minhyuk was concerned, was more offensive.

Hyungwon asked him who turned him into a vampire.  
As if.  
Fucking ignorant humans, and fucking Twilight, and fucking Anne Rice, and fucking The Vampire Diaries.

“No one “turned” me. I am a vampire by birth. No one can “turn” someone to a vampire. What do you take us for? Savage barbarians? Are you gonna ask me next if we ‘force’ people and ‘suck’ them dry and then go on our merry way?” Minhyuk was going all out with the air quotes.

“Well, actually yeah, I was gonna ask that. Also, do you hypnotize people to have sex with you? and do you have 50 shades type kinky sex??” 

At this point, Hyungwon wasn’t even looking for answers, he was just enjoying being a shithead. Being a shithead was his third favorite thing after sugar and his baby girl Cheshire.

“Excuse you? Have you looked at me? Do you think I need to hypnotize people to have sex with me? I’ll have you know I’ve been in 3 long-term relationships, and all the sex that I’ve had has been quite vanilla, thank you very much!” 

Now the thing was Hyungwon had, in fact, seen Minhyuk and if he had met him in a bar and hadn’t heard him talk, he for sure would’ve picked him up for a one-night stand and maybe something more if he had felt like it but considering he had met Minhyuk and talked to him, all the sex appeal that Minhyuk had paled in comparison to his annoyingness.

Like the paragon of veracity that Hyungwon was, he conveyed this sentiment to Minhyuk without leaving anything out. Before Minhyuk’s pout had the opportunity to intensify and operate at its full power, Hyungwon opened his computer and googled ‘The Mad Scientist’ only to find generic results. They tried a few other combinations but got no useful results.

The combinations that Hyungwon used were – The Mad Scientist, The Mad Scientist inventor of The Gay Gun™, The Mad Scientist shitty criminal, The Mad Scientist idiot hacker.  
Then he tried finding him on Facebook, only to find no success. 

There, that exhausted his knowledge on all things social and media.

He turned towards Minhyuk to gauge his knowledge on the subject. Only to find Minhyuk busy with his phone clicking pictures of Cheshire from a safe distance while cooing.  
It was almost adorable how easily the kid got distracted. Almost.

He kicked Minhyuk in the shins to get his attention.

Minhyuk didn’t even react until he clicked his picture, then he let out a blood-curdling scream which, Hyungwon wouldn’t confess but, almost made him smile in glee.

When Hyungwon told Minhyuk about his limited knowledge, Minhyuk looked at Hyungwon with the same expression as one holds for a person who died while taking a selfie with a loaded gun, that is, with an expression of pity and contempt. 

Then he went back to his phone and after searching through all the social media platforms, he came up with zilch.

“It’s almost like he doesn’t exist,” said Minhyuk in awe, “What if he doesn’t actually exist? What if he is just a fake identity created for the sole purpose of fooling and distracting The Crimson Moon, What if someone somewhere is planning something much bigger like destroying the world? THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!”

He quickly opened his email account to pen an email to The Crimson Moon sharing his epiphany but all his dreams came crashing down as there among all the junk and spam sat an innocuous message whose sender was The Mad Scientist. 

Minhyuk read the email to Hyungwon in a tone that spoke of broken dreams.

“Hello, Mr. Lee Minhyuk, I recently saw that you’ve been assigned to my case (I wasn’t snooping, I swear. I was just doing a trial run for the security software, and I couldn’t resist. Last time, promise!) It came into my mind that you might find it difficult to find me as you only know my Villain alias. To make your search a little faster, let me tell you my real name – Shin Hoseok. Best of luck!”

“What kind of a villain is he? Does he have no ethics? What are they teaching kids in schools nowadays? Ughhh!” sneered Hyungwon disappointed at such an unworthy nemesis.

But, for once Minhyuk wasn’t paying attention to Hyungwon and was busy gaping at the cutie that was Shin Hoseok.

He had started with Instagram because okay, so what if he was shallow? It’s always good to start by knowing your enemies face. It wasn’t his fault that his enemy turned out to be this adorable – THIS ADORABLE!

He let Hyungwon ramble on, in favor of swiping through every picture of Hoseok.

Oh, he has such huge muscles?. OH, MY GAWWDDD! Could he be any more adorable? 

I wonder if the purple gun he’s holding in this picture is The Gay Gun™, Whatever, who cares! He looks so cute when he’s trying to look like a badass!

His lips look so pink! 

Look at him smiling so broadly!

He is so buff but so cute, I bet he gives the warmest hugs!

“His hair looks so soft, I wonder how they would feel when I would stroke them while he has my balls in his mouth?” he thought out loud.

And that’s how Hyungwon figured out that Minhyuk had not only found The Mad Scientist but was currently busy fantasizing about hair and balls. 

He quickly swiped Minhyuk’s phone from his hand to finally put a face to the name, and boy, was he disappointed. Not only did the person not look like a villain with a sob story and a scar but also he knew the person and boy, was he the farthest thing from a villain. 

Sighing he told Minhyuk that he knew the guy and his location and both decided to meet up in the evening at Hyungwon’s house before heading towards their target.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you for reading!  
As I am still trying to figure out this writing thing, feel free to give me suggestions or any feedback.


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